A new guy had joined our church small group, and on about his second week, he declared that he was "Three solid dudes and a girlfriend away from self-actualization." Becky or someone gestured around the room, where several men were sitting. "Not you guys," he said. "Respectfully."
He's 24? I think he was 23 at the time? Goes by his last name. Moved to Tulsa right after college. Adjusting to the rhythm of adult life, he'll ask such questions as "Is everything just stupid and gay now?" In many cases it is. He's totaled two cars since joining the group roughly a year and a half ago. After one crash he hitched a ride on a fire truck into work.
He has introduced our elder (26-32) cohort to new vocabulary words including "Bapple" (Busch Light Apple beer), and "mogging" which I understand is similar to one-upping someone, putting them to shame. Right before I learned that, he told me someone had prayermogged him at church camp once, and I choked on my drink.
His most enduring catchphrase, though, is "the upswing." We go around and each of us talks about how things are going, and probably three weeks out of four, he says he's on an upswing. It's all coming together. We're so back. He uses this phrase to essentially skip his turn and move lightly over whatever he might be thinking, but in a space where saying like "Pass" would deaden the conversational energy, "I'm on an upswing" ignites it. Let's go!! That's what we like to hear!!!
Even though it's a punchline, I've been spending a lot of time with the idea of the upswing. It implies a downswing, and it also implies a sense of momentum. I don't think the upswing and downswing are equal and opposite—that what comes up must come down—and I don't think we have to spend equal time on each. But I do think we're always moving in one direction or the other.
Me personally, I'm on the downswing. After a busy and successful start to the year, I was ready for a break after. But instead, the past two or three weeks I've been moving slower than usual. Scrolling more. Playing a fair amount of Nintendo Switch Sports™ Tennis. I feel like I am not the disciplined person I want to be. My momentum has stalled, and the more it is stalled, the harder it is to get back. Downswing.
My current thesis is that there are three zones of effort: there's being on task (upswing), and there's recovering (also upswing; necessary counterbalance), but in between there is killing time, which is where you stall out. If I am scrolling on an app, my brain is not working on anything useful or important, but neither is it open enough to allow for any other thoughts. Instead of moving between rest and work, each propelling the other, I'm sitting in the middle, not going anywhere.
If I'm trying to write something on the computer, then opening the document is when I am on task, and taking a break to stretch or take a walk would be recovery, but the instinct is to click open a new browser tab if I feel the slightest friction keeping me from putting words on the page. The other tab is where I am killing time.
At that moment of distraction, I have three options: stay in the document and finish the thought (most rewarding, incredibly difficult), move my body without distracting my mind, like stretching or looking out the window (medium rewarding, also surprisingly difficult), or distract myself with something else online (actively unrewarding, I feel immediately worse, this is the easiest thing in the world, it is all I ever want to do).
I know that the best thing to get me out of a downswing is to complete a task. Knock something off the list. The satisfaction of accomplishment provides me with the energy and motivation I need for the next thing. After doing that for long enough, I need to rest, which is good and healthy and does not necessarily kill momentum. I know the feeling rest gives, I feel recharged and restored and ready to start a new project. It does not come from Nintendo Switch Sports™ Tennis.
I don't know if this will come as a surprise or not, but I had been stalled trying to put words on the page for Septology this month, and I have written this as a way of coaching myself through the process. The good news is that by finishing the newsletter, I have accomplished a task. Now it's on to the next.
The big work project I wrote about last month? It's done! 82 pages, 15,000 words. My friends [1] [2] get the full PDF here. Read the first eight pages and then skip to page 79, and you'll have hit the highlights.
I wouldn't say it was satisfying that our report suggested “there will be more wars and the economy will suffer” and the next week war broke out. Saying that would be in poor taste. So I won't!
I was bored browsing all the streaming apps when I remembered I don't have to limit myself to the top results they show me. Why watch a Peacock exclusive when I could watch The Sopranos? So I've started that. And Friday Night Lights. And that's in addition to The West Wing, which Becky and I are almost done with (six out of seven seasons). I guess Mad Men comes next. Then I'll have to finish The Wire.
Runner's World magazine has published an interview where celebrated Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami talks to Harry Styles about marathons and creativity. Murakami uses the time to think through what he's working on, while Styles empties his mind so he's ready when he gets back to the studio. (I'm more like Murakami on this.)
As long as we're going to have big-brand celebrity marketing junkets, I'm glad that some of them are so precisely aligned to my interests.
Here's the artist Tom Sachs, describing a book he checked out from the library growing up.
I read that and thought “Well why not?” so I searched for Raymond Loewy in the Tulsa library and placed a hold on the only title available. When I go to pick it up, the librarian says “You requested some government documents?” “Yes,” I say, surprised. It's a Smithsonian catalog in a special envelope. Smaller than Sachs' book, but still beautiful.
I began watching the Premier League as a Tottenham Hotspur fan, but because they're historically great, I wanted more intrigue, so I chose Nottingham Forest right after they were promoted from the second tier of English football.
Now both teams are on the edge of returning there. They're right next to each other in the standings: 16th and 17th, just above the cutoff. They play each other March 22. It's like watching a storm touch down—disastrous, but mesmerizing.
For Lent, I'm off all drinks except water [3]. It's the first time I've given up something that wasn't actually bad for me, also the first time I've broken the fast on Sundays, which is generally part of the tradition. I knew that, but didn't realize why until I did it myself: now, Sunday is the best day of the week! Participating in long traditions teaches you why they've endured so long, and why they matter to people.
I'm mostly satisfied with the new structure of Septology, its 777-word main essay and seven 77-word subsections. I've only run into two minor problems.
First, do you count section titles in the word count? I've decided not to. After imposing constraints elsewhere, it's nice to cut loose.
The second problem is sometimes an idea cannot be stretched into 77 words. Then I just have to cut it, unless I find some other trick to wedge it in.
Thank you, as always, for reading. I'll be back on April 7, which is a Tuesday
From Tulsa,
Tim